Ramblings

Warning: Ridiculously long post--for my own therapeutic benefit.

This post is a mish mash of what has been on my mind lately. I feel like I only operated on about half a brain for most of last week. Ian had a cold and ran a little fever and slept horribly. No offense Seth, but I was having some bad flashbacks to your baby sleep habits. It seemed like the more tired I got, the more overwhelmed I felt with this job of mine...motherhood. I had some serious moments of self doubt where my kid's arguments and misbehavior seemed like a direct reflection on how bad a mom I am. I'm glad to say that with Ian returning to being a decent sleeper (for a baby) I am again gaining some perspective. Being a mom is hard. Anybody who says it's not either isn't really doing it or has some magic I don't know about. I think it's so hard because I truly want the best for these amazing little people I have been blessed with, and I don't want to mess this job up. I am realizing though that I make mistakes (all the time), but it really doesn't do any good to stew about it. I just have to move on and try to do better. Luckily while they can be incredibly frustrating at times, they are also the light of my life and a lot of what I did before they existed seems pretty unimportant by comparison. Phew...I'm getting deep here. Cid gave me a book for Mother's Day that I have read a minute here and a minute there and really liked.



I'll admit it...I skipped most of the poetry...but some of the essays really hit home with me. Some of the messages are serious tearjerkers, but most of them were pretty uplifting, and I could relate. Being a mom is the most amazing, challenging, frustrating, fun...the list could go on...thing I've ever done. So are my kids now behaving perfectly and my house running like clockwork...of course not...but they are mine and the craziness seems doable again. I'm thankful for answers to prayers and inspiration found in all kinds of places these last few days to give me a new take on being a mom. With that said, Luke is having a birthday party tomorrow with a bazillion boys and Sunday is Ian's blessing, so my return to craziness may not take too long.

Here are some guys I love. (Luke is not featured here, but he'll have his own birthday post soon.)

Yesterday, I left the boys at my mom's house to escape with Ian and do something I do not love...shopping! I had a bunch of errands to do for the party, and I was attempting to find something new to wear on Sunday. The party stuff was easy, the skirt not so much. While I was nursing Ian in the dressing room at Kohl's I had some time to reflect on the changes in my life over the past five years. Before Luke the thought of taking an infant shopping would have seemed like a monumental task..now it is second nature even considering the fact that Ian had a massive blowout and I had to do a full diaper and clothes change plus wipey bath. Shopping was another story. I could not find anything that was cute or fit and definitely not both. I seriously considered the rack of old lady shorts and skirts with elastic waistbands but left the store with just a t-shirt. I did later after looking harder than I ever have and going to yet another store find a skirt...hallelujah. I left the store having crashed Ian (in the double stroller) into pretty much every clothes rack I encountered. I then got a chuckle out of the bumper sticker next to me that said, "You should see me topless." (I had to laugh because I did see the owner of that car and the mental image was humorous at best.) I said this post was rambly, right?

Mr. Ian. He smiles a lot, but I do not take as many pictures as I should. I guess that's third child syndrome. Some smiley pics to come.

My hubby Jer. We are busier than ever but working together better than ever as well. He is such a good dad and I could not manage without him! We took the kids up the canyon the other day and as he and the "big boys" laughed and threw rocks in the river I felt so lucky to have them in my life. (There has to be something genetic about males and throwing rocks in water.)

So I'm glad to have this crazy life, and I'll remind myself of that next time I'm frazzled!

FYI: In the above pic Jer is tilling our muddy garden. Among other things, we have massive landscaping projects going on this summer. There's always something major that needs done! Good thing I have such a talented, hard working hubby.